Today is a day that honestly, I wondered, if I would ever see. Four years ago my world was turned upside down and I was faced with my own mortality. And in looking back, it was the greatest gift I have ever been given.
It’s a little odd to be writing about this survivorship milestone considering the last two weeks we have had, so this year, it will be low-key and understated.
I have been very open with my cancer battle, all that I have learned, and how much I have changed. I have also been very honest about the stress and drama that has gone on, in my own house, since my cancer diagnosis. When I look back at some of my blogs I do not regret being so open and giving people a raw view into cancer, chemotherapy, 6 surgeries, and living in the stressful environment of a newly blended family; especially one that has been under constant attack from Kevin’s ex-life. His children and I will never have the relationship we could have had and this has never been as clear to me as it’s been in the past few weeks. But on we go. Moving forward, different people with different relationships than we would have had if the situation had been decent. But you know what? I have come to terms with it and I realize that I cannot spend one more moment of my valuable time trying to make certain people in our lives see the reality of the situation. As always, the cream always rises to the top – it’s just a matter of time.
So today, my two children are busy with other important things in their lives and I want to spend my day of survivorship quietly. My kids and I will celebrate my four-year survivorship with Kevin and Haley later in March. But for today, you cannot imagine how grateful I am for the gift of the last 4 years I have been given. It has made me appreciate my own life, it has made me change my priorities, and I am truly carving stress right out of my life now for my long-term health – however that looks. Fighting cancer four years ago has allowed me time for the greatest gift ever – seeing my daughter become a Mom and me being able to hold her and Mike’s baby in my arms. Hands down – that is the best thing I have experienced in the past four years….and I have been blessed to experience some very cool things.
Tonight – I think I might have a glass of wine and open the “50 Memory Box” that is still sitting on the table in our family room. My friends put this together for my 50th birthday in July but it wasn’t ready to be delivered to me until Christmas Eve. There is a note in there from Michelle, my friend who passed away in October, and I have been waiting to open this box. I might seal the importance of today, in my own heart, by reading words written by a lot of my friends including Michelle. If my heart is ready tonight – then it will make today all that more special…after all, today is a “birthday” in its own way.
Today is a true day of celebration for me and I am looking forward to spending it by myself – quietly. Four years in the world of triple negative breast cancer is big big big. Each year of having no evidence of disease is another step away from the day that rocked my world, in a bitter-sweet way.
Thanks for all of your friendship, love, support, and understanding. You guys are an awesome part of me and I thank God, every single day, for each additional day I am gifted. I say this with complete humility and love still honoring my friends with metastatic breast cancer. There are quite a few in my life now and my celebration of 4 years being a survivor does not, and will not, taint the seriousness of what they are fighting. My thoughts and prayers are with them each day as they battle on and as we all hope for more days with their children, more time with their parents, and more special moments with their precious husbands. As happy as I am today – I am still well aware of the severity of this disease for many of my friends. And in a lot of ways, that makes today even more special.